I Asked ‘What’s Inside an Urn?’ — And Got a Faceful of Dust

Why handling remains isn’t all that bad

Most people are averse to touching human remains. But cremains are harmless, and can teach us a lot about grief. (Getty Images)

I opened my mom’s urn and got a lungful of cremains. For years I was ashamed of this moment — until I discovered that curiosity about remains is not only normal, but healthy.

Like a twisted version of leaving a wedding with a keepsake centerpiece, I left mom’s funeral with a keepsake urn.

I never thought I’d be the type of person to display an urn on my mantle, but I was wild with grief when I decided to purchase the tiny silver vault. We always knew mom would be cremated — she insisted on it even before she got sick. The ashes were to be spread at our family home.

But funeral decisions are a one-time deal, and I was worried about regretting not saving a piece of her. I knew if I changed my mind about spreading all her remains, I’d have to transfer them into another container myself. Whatever was in the urn, I didn’t want to see it, and certainly didn’t want to touch it. Buying a keepsake urn meant I wouldn’t have to get up close and personal with my dead mother’s cremains.

The main urn was larger, and contained the bulk of her cremains. We intended to spread those ashes in a natural place so we could visit her. But I had no idea what to do with this keepsake urn. I stashed it…